I'm under no illusion that more than a handful of people will ever read this. But some kind of mental shift happened in me so I'm going to write it anyway.
The shift is partly a result of the horror that's happening all over the world lately and in America this past week. America feels personal because it's been like a second home to me. Paul and others I care about are there. It's heartbreaking, though I sense some upside. At least, as issues are now out in the open, change is feeling more and more inevitable. But I've posted enough lately about politics so this blog is a bit more personal.
Basically, life suddenly seemed incredibly short. I quit my job at the supermarket just before the virus, which turned out to be the best decision I ever made apart from taking the job in the first place. It got me out of debt and changed me probably for the better. I loved my co-workers and didn't mind the actual work. I had a boss who screamed though, a lot. And I felt totally expendable too, which I was.
One of the back dock delivery guys and one of the hardest working people I've ever met, reminded me early on that he and I were just a number to the company and never to forget that. And I wasn't that happy but it's not a bad company. This is true of almost all giant corporations. Whenever a boss was cruel, and a few were shockers, I'd remind myself they were just a number too. One pushed me too far once and I told her. But again, others were truly inspiring people. I've written songs about all these experiences good and bad and can't wait to record them.
So it may not be the most practical decision but after eight years I'm putting music first again. And life feels suddenly more simple. It's continuing to sink in that pleasing others is impossible. Music is an anti-depressant and is probably the most helpful thing I can contribute so I need to do it. This time around I'm a bit less naive though; this is the real world.
And the real world is currently quite ugly. Music though, like nature, animals, children, art, and a soul, is still a pure place.
So right now while I'm setting up to record, backing up files yesterday came with a huge highlight. I found a pile of lost lyrics for my Mountain song which I can now assemble and see if the missing chorus I've been waiting for is in there. I also found the song about the old lonely guy who won the lottery (true story). So this is it for me for right now. Wherever you are, please hang in there and stay safe.