elizabeth geyer

My Journal..

It is easy to see the value in others, in staying true to themselves and that being worth more than anything the outside world might give them . But it is not so easy to see in myself. I have found it so HARD to stay true.


I would love to want the normal things that normal people want, to be happy in a secure and sensible job, to want nice things that money can buy, or at least to be happy to make music that is aimed at a market or the mainstream - that would be smart. But I don't want those things enough, as much as I wish I did  and even though I'm envious sometimes of those who do.


There is this FIRE that has been there my whole life, maybe even before. I can't stamp it out no matter how often I desperately prayed for it during countless rock bottoms. Then again, without it I would be dead.  The fire is this crazy desire to make the music that is asking to be made - to let the music lead. It's the reason I waited seven years to record again, for the opportunity that felt instinctively RIGHT, and why it's taken another two and a half years to make (though my last two albums also took forever, and thankfully this one is just about there now).


It's also why I can't seem to settle anywhere, I don't want to be tied down in case the music wants me to go somewhere. 


Writing this reminds me again that I can only be who I am. There is some weird comfort in there being absolutely no choice - may as well own it. There is no guarantees this will 'work', all I know is that nothing else would ever work.


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