elizabeth geyer

My Journal..

Everyone has a story, and we don't know what others are going through.  Situations and people are almost never what they seem, from the outside.  

My own life has been through a massive amount of upheaval in the past few years.  So many changes I won't go into (we all  have our share of challenges, I'm not special! )  but the hardest issue I had to face was that I'd clung to music so hard and for so long it was all I knew. I was drowning, not only emotionally but worse still, truly, financially. (When one day you realise you can't afford a coffee or to go to the dentist, you finally learn that money CAN actually make a person happier).  My experiences and travels as a musician have been wonderful, full, varied, no regrets. It's been a fascinating fortunate path. But as many musician may tell you it can also be a never-ending uphill battle of many thousands of unpaid hours practice living literally from gig to gig. I was constantly on the verge of a stomach ache wondering how to build upon and nurture the gigs I loved so much to do.  I worried to an unhealthy degree about my age and how I looked. Which sounds crazy but at many venues, how you look is as important as how you sound. But the worst worry by far was money. Not having financial freedom is also socially very  isolating. You can never meet anyone 'for lunch'.  

I also tried way too hard to please others (my own fault and foolishness, but again the stress was real nonetheless)  - my agents, musicians, the audience, everyone.  Not musically so much, I was too stubborn that way, focused, but in every other way. We all try to hide our  stress, put on a happy face, well I did. That is part of being professional. But everything slowly became intolerable.  

I was eventually forced to start again completely in a different city, circumstances and for the first time in my life give music away altogether, give up my gigs (which hurt like hell) , let it go, forget it,  boo hoo, get over it, get over myself, get a job. I was bitter, twisted and angry, still am occasionally,  to a degree I can't describe, at 'God' and others around me but deep down ME most of all. I felt like a fool, a joke, embarrassed, ashamed, a failure and occasionally still do. But, it was what I needed to get over myself, stop being so precious, really look around.

A few years later, to cut a long story short, things are slowly feeling better, different.  I have ironically been writing songs more than before because it seems to keep away depression, which I plan to record.  With my friend Paul Adams, recording vocals recently on his instrumental ideas has been helping too. The songs I write now  are different.  Maybe more fun? I'm not so precious.   Music is something I like doing, not my whole life anymore. I have so much further to learn and grow still,  but my perspective these days I think  is healthier.  I am slowly rediscovering the romance of trees, a more simple, spiritual outlook and the magic that got me into music in the first place. I work with and meet  inspiring people at my job.. I feel so grateful for that job, the people I meet each day, every single one of them has a story, and the songs that I write now for fun and to be alive. 

 

 

Comments

2017-10-10 17:46:15 - Elizabeth Geyer
Craig Peyton thank you so much and for sharing your own experience. I am so happy you found your creative way through. I like the sound of that. .
2017-10-06 12:10:47 - Craig Peyton
You music is so exquisite...it will always find a way. When I 'branched out' from the NY studio biz to raise a family out of NYC, it was scary and quite disorienting. The session work stopped at the city line. In spite of becoming a 'jack of all trades,'in photography, it felt wonderful to not be held hostage by doing music I didn't love, just to pay bills. Thanks for writing from the heart, what so many creatives go through to survive. Your path will double back in time...but on your terms, IMO.
2017-10-05 21:42:08 - Elizabeth Geyer
I don't know how to add individual comments so please excuse this all in one. Russ Nester thanks so much. Eric van Domburg Scorpio thank you too. And Dean Winwood I am glad you can relate. I really appreciate the support each of you have shown my music over the years.
2017-10-04 05:38:19 - Dean Winwood
Liz.. I have no words that are adequate .. but I can relate to your story here, more than you can imagine though from a very different personal context .. Suffice to say you have left an indelible mark on me from only one live performance that night in Lismore which first introduced me to your amazing talent and unique music.. and I have been blessed for a life time by it.. as with many other precious humans who bare their souls for the sake of art, music, creativity, imagination and the imparting of their unique gift to others.. Your lessons in this period will only enrich your gift and your future music I am sure..Much Love to you.. and believe me .. nothing you have done has been in vain.. Your gift has gone before you and remains after you in the lives and souls of others who truly appreciate the gift imparted to us by you .. Namaste..
2017-10-04 01:22:11 - Eric van Domburg Scipio
Hi Liz, I only know you vaguely, as we've never met and I only know some of your albums (which I all love btw), but was quite touched by your story above. It fit's in with a lot of other musicians I know (mainly in the US) who are struggling to make ends meet and survive being a musician. Hope you are able to make it all work out without losing yourself in the meantime. Being a musician has become a very challenging profession, but it would be a disgrace to mankind if the musical gift you obviously posses would not be able to express itself anymore. Stay well and best wishes! Eric
2017-10-03 22:48:49 - Russ Nester
Your fans will always be your fans. When you are ready to gift the world with another beautiful and insightful song, we will be ready to listen. Until then, we will savour all that you have given us thus far. May God show you His love in ways that only He can.
2017-10-03 18:05:18 - Elizabeth Geyer
Hi Tony. Well thanks for the kind words and understanding and I'm not surprised somehow that you do. Yes it sure is a crazy path and impossible to please everyone. But then no doubt any life probably that we choose may bring up massive unique challenges of its own!
2017-09-28 18:03:13 - Tony King
That is a very moving and powerful story Liz. It is so HARD to be a singer/songwriter these days and you are truly amazing and inspirational to have done what you have done. Your work is exquisite. It is so incredibly important to have balance in your life for sanity. Balance gives you the peace that enables you to be able to keep being creative. I'm sure there are people who write some amazing songs out of their lives unravelling but it is not a sustainable life. It sounds like you are finding that place of balance and that makes me very happy for you. Love and best wishes. Tony
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